Be Safe, Love Mom

* An introduction to this book was first published in TANA Magazine, March 2018 Issue.

The wars don't end when you sign peace treaties or when the years go by. They will echo on until I'm gone and all the widows and orphans are gone. - Tim O'Brien

It was December 2014, the week of Christmas.  Our family was on a flight from Charlotte to Las Vegas.  A large group of young Army men boarded the plane, probably heading home for holidays. I couldn’t spare myself staring at them, especially the ones sat across my row.  They all seemed to be happy and busy with their gadgets. Since my son already made his plans clear, to join the Navy once he graduates from the high school, I was busy finding the future of my son and mine in them. My kids scrutinized me, threatened me for being rude (stealing the views is rude in their social books) and finally gave up on me with a helpless sigh.

I was busy trying to assess their state of mind. What are their feelings at that moment? What are they carrying in their minds and hearts … Pride, Happiness, Fear, Anxiety? Since they seem to be very novice, I was very much relieved to think that they wouldn’t be carrying anything yet, what Tim O’Brian shared in his book “The Things They Carried”. That thought itself gave me a great momentary relief.  Then my thoughts turned to their families, especially their mothers, whose shoes I would be walking in pretty soon.

As the time passed, we entered into military family group and our journey began. I have joined a facebook support group of military mothers. From them I learnt about the book, “Be safe, Love Mom – A Military Mom’s Stories of Courage, Comfort, and Surviving Life on the Home Front” written by Elaine Lowry Brye, which they all read like a bible. I too joined the bandwagon.

Being a child of military parents, military wife, and mom of four military officers one in each branch of US military, who other than Elaine is suitable to write a book, that thousands of military moms reach out for comfort and guidance? About 15 years ago, when her kids joined in the military, Elaine started a listserv (No FB and other social platforms those days) and offered guidance and support to lot of new military moms.  In that process she became close to many of them. They all have one thing in common, that they are also serving along with their kids.

In this book Elaine along with others military moms contributed their stories, advice and words of wisdom, which is priceless. They shared the joys and sorrows of having a family member serving. What a military family goes thru every time they say good bye to their kids leaving for deployments. How these mothers cling on to their phones day and night to just receive a 2 mins calls. How they miss celebrating the major holidays with their loved ones. How they take care of the young families of their deployed kids. How they are worried every minute and bent in prayers when their kids are on harm’s way. What if they are sent on a secret mission and they can’t even tell you where your kid is? There is only one answers to all this, and it is Hope, Faith and Love.

I am sure we all struggled to let our little ones go to Kindergarten. Then “How do you let your son go into military?” is the first question I was asked by many. I really don’t know how to answer them. Elaine simplified it for me. She says “There is no secret. It is hard, but you do it. You do it and even though it is hard and overwhelming. You do it even though it’s scary. You do it with a shaky smile on your face and a whispered “Be Safe” on your lips. You do it even though it breaks your heart.”

Another mom said, “I wasn’t allowing him to join the military, I was allowing him to follow his dreams”.  It needs a lot of courage from the moms. There are lot of them out there, who sacrifice the comfort of having their children in their arms, to let them follow their dreams. I am proud to be a military mom and proud to serve along with my child and all other military moms. 

The best support for these moms are from the sisterhoods, in various social platforms and in the local groups. Most of these moms met each other only on these platforms and bonded with the common tag “#Militarymom”, which they wear it with great pride. They support each other in both happy and difficult times. They make sure to let other moms feel that they are not alone in this. I witnessed this on my Navy sisterhood group on FB. They cry together if one of their kids is leaving for boot camp or simply a mom is missing their child, celebrate together when they are coming home, and share the tears of joy when a kid achieves something. That support is unbelievable.

When I read the stories about few of these moms, how they go to the extents to take care of the critical needs of a child of another mom, who is far from her child to help. Mind that these moms never met each other in person. I must agree that it changed my notions about the social media friendships.

The most fearful questions of a military mom are “How can I ever cope with the idea that his or her ultimate decision could be on a battlefield? How can I bear the thought that my baby, the child I nurtured and protected from birth, might never come back home?” Unfortunately, there are gold star moms out there (who lost their child in service). It breaks your heart to hear those stories. For all those moms a big MMH (Military Moms Hug, as in my Navymoms FB group) from me, with tears rolling down my cheeks.

This book is a very good read for civilian readers as well, to gain a better understanding of what it is like to have a child who is serving.  This book gives a good understanding of the emotional toll of the families, having their children in harm’s way. Next time when we stop to thank someone in the uniform for their service, we sure will have a better appreciation of what their service means to all of us.

Even before I came across this book, I always ended my calls/letters to my son, with “Be Safe, Love”. Now I believe this is “the” mantra of every military mom.  When I say “Be Safe” to my son, sometimes a guilty thought occurs in my mind “Am I wishing someone else’s child to be unsafe in turn?” But deep down in my heart I knew that, I want every child to be safe and every mom to be happy with their children. I pray every day for that safe world to be a reality. Until then, Tim O Brian’s words keep echoing in my heart.